the feminist librarian reads

Jack and Bitty texting.

• Bitty: Jack, I have lost two rolling pins! Now I only have three left.
• Jack: Are you sure that you haven't left them somewhere else?
• Bitty: Yes, I am sure. I only put them out of their drawer to cook and when we have games on the road.
• Jack: Are you sure that Lardo isn't using them on a sculpture?
• Bitty: Lardo wouldn't do that!
• Bitty: ... right?
• Bitty: Wait a minute.
• (Five minutes later)
• Bitty: I am back! I found them.
• Jack: Where were they? Was Lardo really using them on a sculpture? Usually she doesn't make them about, you know. Kitchens.
• Bitty: Oh, she wasn't! I don't think that she actually would do it. Ransom and Holster were celebrating the end of the exams and fighting with them. They could've ended up on the hospital, really.
• Jack: Hey, you never saw them fighting with lamps.
• ***
• Jack: Bittle, the boys want to thank yYOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME MA. N. THANK YOU I WOULD FUCKIBG MARRY YOU BOTTLE.
• Bitty: Jack?
• Jack: They were trying to steal my phone.
• Jack: They wanted to thank you.
• Jack: For the cookies.
• Bitty: Oh, well. Not the weirdest first thing a hockey player has ever said to me.
• Bitty: Someone's first words to me were "you need to eat more protein".
• Jack: And yet you don't do it.
• ***
• Jack: Bittle, are you there?
• Bitty: If Ransom and Holster ask, no, I am not.
• Jack: What's going on?
• Bitty: They are trying to find me a date. Again.
• Bitty: I may or may not be hiding under a table.
• Jack: Why don't you go out of the Haus?
• Bitty: Lardo is at the door.
• Bitty: Oh, wait, they are coming!
• *Five minutes later*
• Bitty: You traitor.
• Jack: I just told Shitty, I swear.
• Bitty: But that's like telling them!
• ***
• Bitty: My mom is calling, brb.
• Jack: Wait, what does that mean?
• Bitty: Oh, Jack.
• ***
• Bitty: I don't even know what that even meant, tbh.
• Jack: Tbh?
• Bitty: Bless your heart.
• ***
• Bitty: Tfw someone recognizes you for your vlog!!!!
• Jack: Bitty?
• Bitty: Oh, c'mon, Jack, stop giving me so much chirping material.
• ***
• Jack: I think a Taylor Swift song just was on the radio.
• Jack: It reminded me of Annie's.
• Bitty: Which song?
• Jack: Something about her boyfriend breaking up with her.
• Bitty: Oh, Jack.
• ***
• Bitty: Je veux coucher.
• Jack: Do you know what you just said?
• Bitty: That I want to go to bed, right?
• Jack: Not exactly.
• (Two minutes later)
• Bitty: I DIDN'T MEAN THAT JACK STOP THE CHIRPING.
• ***
• Bitty: It's snowing!
• Jack: And you haven't frozen yet?
• Bitty: Jack, stop the chirping.
• ***
• Bitty: Promise me that you will never appear naked on the Haus out of the blank.
• Jack: ... I don't think that I will.
• Jack: What's going on?
• Bitty: Shitty is currently sitting naked on the couch?
• Bitty: I was going to complain but I wasn't going to sit on that couch anyway.
• Bitty: Well, maybe he will get sick?
• Bitty: I am worried.
• ***
• Bitty: I am going to bake, brb.
• Jack: Oh, okay, later. I'll go shower in the meanwhile.
• *Thee minutes later*
• Bitty: I am done!
• *Ten minutes later*
• Jack: ... it still amazes me sometimes.