the feminist librarian reads

I tell this story not because it still makes me angry, but because it illustrates what it means to be a same-sex couple with children in this country. There is a constant nagging feeling, even when the laws and opinion polls are changing in our favor, that we are illegitimate. When Marta and I are together with our daughter, people often ask if I am the sister or a friend. A pediatrician comes into the room and asks, “So who’s baby’s mom?” When I say both of us, she gets flustered and stops making eye contact. When we take our daughter to daycare. When we show up for her swim lessons. When we try to get a family membership at our university gym. Each time, we need to explain ourselves. No one ever says, “You must be the other mom.” At least not in the parts of America where we have been living.